Wisdom, Volume 9 Issue 4, 1993

Index of all Wisdom issues.

Professor Match-Up

This is a simple little game, match up famous well-known sayings from CS / math profs with the names in the prof list.

Expressions:

  1. "Are we all quite comfortable with this?"
  2. "Any questions? Right!"
  3. "Am I going too fast?"
  4. "Can we have a little bit of hush back there?"
  5. "Now... I seek your help with..."
  6. "... then I'm the Pope!"
  7. "... using the wusher method" (washer method)
  8. "... so I ask myself, SELF what if..."
Profs:

35 Fun Things To Do For a Final Exam

sent to us by our Toronto Wisdom corespondent, Chris Kale

This just in time before we all start our gruelling week of exams:

35 Fun things to do in a final that does not matter (i.e. you are going to fail the class completely no matter what you get on the final exam or you are will pass the class even if you fail the final).

  1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
  2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!!"
  3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
  4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
  5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

  6. One word: Wrestlemania.
  7. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think." Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so".
  8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...). Play with the volume at max level.
  9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
  10. Bring pets.

  11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
  12. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
  13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
  14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
  15. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.

  16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.
  17. For a Computer Science exam, use a different computer language (i.e. for 60-110, write the final in assembler or Prolog).
  18. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
  19. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
  20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

  21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
  22. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
  23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
  24. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
  25. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.

  26. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
  27. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
  28. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
  29. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
  30. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.

  31. Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield.
  32. Bring a water pistol with you. Nuff said.
  33. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.
  34. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

Ski Trip

Well the ski trip that the C.S.S. organized on Saturday the 8th of February was a success! We all had fun and the weather was perfect, cold enough so that the snow didn't melt but not too cold as to freeze. We left here at 7:30 am and got back at around 8:00 pm.

We all had fun, some fell, some didn't fall at all. Some people were learning to ski for the first time while others were tackling the moguls (while learning to ski for the first time!).

While the slopes were closed for the change over to the new shift and to groom the slopes, we were taking advantage of the `refreshment' facilities at the lodge (see pictures). We will organizing next year's trip in Oct. or Nov.

A few moments of rest after a gruelling day of skiing at Alpine Valley.

More enjoyment at the ski lodge. We did do some skiing, really, we just didn't have cameras with us on the slopes, really!

Viral Humour part II
Gallup Virus:
Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 margin of error).

Congressional Virus:
Computer locks up, screen splits vertically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

Quantum Leap Virus:
One day your PC is a laptop, the next day it is a Macintosh, then it's a Nintendo.
Click here to go to Viral Humour Part I.

Password Humour

sent to us by Chris Kale from our Toronto Wisdom office.

Here is a good (and funny) example of what happens when the security procedures are a bit too tight!

CORPORATE DIRECTIVE# 84-570471 April 1, 1984

In order to increase the security of all our computing facilities, and to avoid the possibility of unauthorized use of these facilities, new rules are being put into effect concerning the selection of passwords. All users of our computing facilities are instructed to change their passwords to conform to these rules immediately.

RULES FOR THE SELECTION OF PASSWORDS:

Because of the complexity of the password selection rules, there is actually only one password which passes all the tests. To make the selection of this password simpler for the user, it will be distributed to all managers. All users are instructed to obtain this password from his or her manager and begin using it immediately.

Election Results

Here are, unofficially, the election results (the official announcement will be made at the general meeting).

Elected

President: Ron McKenzie

V.P. Academic: Ralph Markham

V.P. Administration: Paul Preney

V.P. Communications: Alan Siodlowski

Acclaimed

V.P. Social Functions: Dean Scott

V.P. without portfolio: Zina Aljanabi

Number of ballots cast: 72

Year End From 2nd Year Rep

Well, it's definitely that time of year again. Time to write the finals and then go to that place called home. No matter where it is, whether it is here in Windsor or elsewhere around the world, home is where the family is. And usually where the family is there is warmth and love.

Enough of the mush. This year has definitely been a long, tough and interesting year. As the `so-called' 2nd year rep. of the Computer Science Society, I will have to admit that my duties to you, the students have been neglected especially in relaying the times, dates, and the whats that have been going on in the Society. But I have been doing things behind the scenes that would make you proud.

I worked on the sweatshirt sales, mugs sales, cider & cookie sales and I wrote some articles that you may have even enjoyed. I helped out with movie night and pool tournaments. The ski trip was a Blast! There have been many things that have been going on.

There's General Meetings and Student / Staff Luncheons, there's Executive meetings and lots of fun. But all in all I think that this year has been a success. I met lots of first year students and kept in touch with the second year students.

Here's to summer and lots of fun!!! Bye everybody!! And good luck to you next year!

Old 2nd year Rep. of 92/93 Christine Cabreros

New Systems On Campus

According to late breaking news: The School of Computer Science is getting new X-Terminals. Some will have colour and sound. The University Computer Center is upgrading the SGI 4D/340S with the new MIPS 4400 CPU's (no word on how many) but it is reported to increase the processing power by 10 to 15 times. Finally the IBM mainframe will be going (no time set on when the plug will be pulled).

Year End Social Revue

by Dean Scott

Well it's been a good year. I hope your's has been productive. The society has had many successful events spanning from pool tournaments to movie nights to our fabulous ski trip. The year's not over yet and other events are still in the works. More on this later.

Special thanks to the Grad House for their allowance of our `theatre' and to `TILT' for their high quality pool equipment. Finally thanks to you the students, without you there would is no successful social events. Once again your suggestions are welcome.

The C.S.S. general meeting will be held on April 8th and will be followed by food and `refreshments'. ALL FREE!

Thanks again, Dean T. Scott

Editor's Year End Revue

by Alain Siodlowski

Well once again it's the end of the year (academically speaking) for us. Exams will be starting soon, but we still have a few events left! We are also gearing up for next semester.

But first, the events. First and foremost is the general meeting this Thursday when the new executive will be formally announced. There will be the usual `refreshments' and pizza afterwards. All FREE as usual! This is a great opportunity to meet new people and to find out more about what the society has planned for next year.

There is also the end of semester pizza luncheon. This luncheon that we, along with the School of Computer Science, have been holding at the end of every semester for the past year or two, is way for the students in CS to meet the profs and other students. The pizza and pop is FREE. Look for posters and listen for announcements in class for the time and place.

As for the Wisdom, if you would like to write about anything relating to computer science then send it to me at wisdom@cs.uwindsor.ca and you will get the usual $5.00 per printed article. If you have any suggestions as for topics, then talk to me or e-mail me.

Well this is the end of the column, so I'm out of space. Good luck on your exams!

wisdom@cs.uwindsor.ca